[Fanfic] Always Been

Always Been

Writer: Afterthought and Ellipses

Summary: After all, she isn’t yours to have. She isn’t yours to hold. She isn’t yours to want. She isn’t yours to love. But you do so, anyway. You’ve always been stubborn.

Rate: K

Sourcehere

 

Chapter I: Love

As a boy, you told yourself that love simply does not exist.

As a teen, you told yourself that love exists but it isn’t something for you to waste your time over.

Now, as a man, you realize you’ve found love in her, of all people, but you don’t deserve it. Not at all.

After all, she isn’t yours to have.

She isn’t yours to hold.

She isn’t yours to want.

She isn’t yours to love.

But you do so, anyway. You’ve always been stubborn.

_________________________________________________

As a girl, you found love to be silly.

As a hormonal teen, you thought the prospect of being loved by him to be hopeless.

As a woman, you’ve learned to love him more than life itself but you’ve also learned to settle for someone else.

Because you know that he isn’t yours to call your own.

He isn’t yours to worry over.

He isn’t yours to dream of.

He isn’t yours to love.

But you still do, you can’t stop. You’ve always been able to bend the rules.

___________________________________________

As a youngest boy in the family, you knew that love was something to share.

As a frustrated teenager, you’ve learned that love has to be earned.

As a man married to the love of his life, you realize that love isn’t always enough.

Even thought she’s yours to have.

Yours to hold.

yours to want.

Yours to love.

You know that she’s never been yours. She belongs to him. She always has and she always will. Yet you hold on to her. You’ve always been selfish.

_____________________________________

As the youngest child, you’ve known that love is easily to obtained.

As the shy sister, you’ve realized that it isn’t.

As his wife, you understand that it hurts.

You konw that it isn’t you he calls his.

Isn’t you he dreams of.

Isn’t you he worries over.

Isn’t you he loves.

You’ve leanred to accept it all but you still wish it isn’t true. After all, you’ve always been hopeful.

Chapter II: Hurt

As an abused child, you’ve known physical pain.

As a teen with the weight of the world on your shoulders, you’ve grown to experience both of physical and emotional.

As a man, you think you’re immune to both. But you’re not, not with her.

Because she cause you both.

You’d wallow in sadness for her.

Hurt for her.

Die for her.

And it tooks you years to figure out why and now it’s too late. You hate that you’ve always been daft.

______________________________________

As a child, you’ve read about pain.

As a adolescent, you’ve lived through pain.

As an adult, you’ve simply surviving through it.

And he’s the cause of it all.

Because you’re not in his arms.

You’re not the last person he sees.

You’re not his world.

You’re not his heart.

And it’s excruciating, but you go on. You’ve always been strong.

_____________________________________

Have five brothers, you’ve grown up with “torture”.

As a teen, you’ve journeyed and witnessed it.

As a man, you’re the one doing it. To her, to them.

Because you can’t let her go.

Even as she wallows in sadness.

Even as she hurts.

Even as she dies little by little inside.

You can’t live without her, so she stays. You’ve always been persuasive.

_____________________________________

As a girl, your mother made you understand hurt.

As a teenager, you realized that it was much, much more.

As a woman, you find it to be unbearable.

And he’s the reason fot it.

Because even though you’re in his arms.

Even if you’re the last thing he sees.

You’re still not his world.

You’re still not his heart.

And it hurts, but you hang on. After all, you’ve always been passionate.

Chapter III: Happiness

As a biy, happiness was food and family.

As a teen, happiness was food, family, friends and quidditch.

As a man, happiness is knowing you did what was right.

And now she’s no longer yours to have.

No longer yours to hold.

No longer yours to want.

No longer yours to love.

But that’s okay. It’s alright that she’s finally his. Because she finally is. And it makes her happy. And it makes him happy. So it makes you happy. And now you’re all happy. You’ve always been caring.

__________________________________________

As a child, happiness was your brothers’ jokes and your mother’s cooking.

As an adolescent, happiness was going to achool, making friends and being with him.

As an adult, happiness was fleeting.

Because now he is’nt yours to call his own.

He isn’t yours to dream of.

He isn’t yours to want.

He isn’t yours to love. Not anymore.

And you wish and you pray for the sadness and emptiness to go away. You wish for happiness once more. Even if it isn’t with him. Because he’s happy with her. And after all, haven’t you always  been able to get what you wished for?

_______________________________________

As an orphaned child, you’ve dreamt of happiness.

As a harassed teenager, you aspired for happiness.

As an adult, you’ve finally got it. You’ve finally got her. Even if you don’t deserve her at all.

Now, she’s yours to have.

Yours to hold.

Yours to want.

Yours to love.

And you do so. Without the guilt, without the hurt, without the pain. You feel as though your heart would burst with happiness. You’ve always been a winner.

_____________________________________

Growing up, happiness was in your book and in your family.

Maturing, happiness was in your friend and in saving the world.

Now, as the wise woman that you are, happiness is him.

Now, he’s yours to call your own.

He’s yours to dream of.

Yours to love.

And you don’t stop. You know you’ll never stop. You couldn’t even if you tried. You’ve always loved him.

Always.

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